are you listening to me? — 5 ways to refine your listening
By: Andre Canales
Listening: The most eloquent way of focusing. It is overlooked despite its profound level of absorption; bringing all of your mind’s potential to the person who sits across the table. It completes a well-spoken person when listening has been burnished as well as the way you speak.
You can listen selectively, attentively, and empathetically. Your mind turns all day. It seeks a moment of rest and it jumps at the first opportunity, sometimes even if it’s at the worst time. And then it detours away from listening; selectively listening, at the bare minimum, to the person across and barely gripping to what is being told. We do this despite how serious the topic may be. We’re all capable of attentively listening to each word and understanding the story in its entirety, bringing attention to the energy that’s coming from the person talking.
But if you focus hard and you not only hear but engage your eyes and the other finer feelings; you understand the tellings of another not as a story but as an experience. It becomes deeper than attentive listening. It becomes empathetic listening at the mercy of relating your experiences to the other.
From the experience of counseling and being at the end of a speaker, here are the rules that I follow and are effective each time. And it all begins with presence.
Center your focus ahead.
Consistency over persistency.
Text-to-self connections.
Reiterate, Reiterate, Reiterate.
Stay in the middle lane.
1. Center Your Focus Ahead.
The best way to understand is through your eyes and making contact with another pair. Be comfortable; discomfort is distracting. Gesticulate, react with expressions and speak when you’re asked of.
2. Consistency Over Persistency.
Refrain from interruption. Let the story be their’s and their’s only. Allow the story to be a specialty to their lives. A relatable story can wait. If they seek advice, provide it. Otherwise, withhold it.
3. Text-to-Self Connections.
Let the story become an experience. Think of a similar time. If nothing is similar, validate and affirm their experience. Your ability to relate relies on your ability to understand.
4. Reiterate, Reiterate, Reiterate.
Recite what was told based on your understanding. This helps you and the speaker deliver the point across.
5. Stay in the Middle Lane.
Take a look from above. Understanding comes from a view from every perspective. From there, you can mediate, delegate, or be of support.
All anyone ever asks is to feel human, heard, and understood. The best orators can articulate between speaking and listening. The best listeners are the ones who savor a person’s sentences and can recite them back because they understand and can.
